There is Love

by Rachel Marie

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1.
Soar 04:02
I sit alone on a dusty floor In a hazy light so calm and pure I only wish I could be sure That someday I will soar ‘Cause my soft, smooth skin is growing rough And my easy right is getting tough And it seems I’m never good enough Anymore But if I fly too high, will the sun burn my wings? And if I reach the sky, will my lungs still sing? It costs a lot for everything I ever wanted It costs a lot for everything I ever wanted The blinding lights on this empty stage Fill the yellow tint of this empty page And I think that it would show my age To lay down here and cry But I’m scared these seats will never fill And this stage will stay alone and still And all I’ll have is that I’m still alive But if I cry too long, will I crash all too soon? And if I sing this song, will it carry across this room? It takes a lot to sing over all the noise It takes a lot to sing over all the noise And if I sing I will risk my heart And if you hear these words I’ll risk being torn apart And if I fly I will risk the fall But if I don’t sing I’ll risk never being heard at all I sit alone on a dusty floor In a hazy light so calm and pure I only wish I could be sure That someday I will soar
2.
I’ve been listening so intently That I forgot the question, forgot my place Or was that the question? Where I stand? Whose say I need, whose go, whose grace I must not have it – no one hopes for what they know they have What they can see No one asks the questions that have already been answered Except for me I’ve always had a hard time Taking anything I don’t feel that I’ve earned And after nineteen years of asking answered questions I haven’t learned You’d think that, stubborn as I am I’d realize the truth I have And that it isn’t yours to judge or take, or validate Or use to trace my path (sometimes I sing past it depends on how I feel I don’t know) And yet I keep on searching others’ eyes and hearts And I’ve been digging deep And I rise with sparks that were never mine, but somehow satisfy But I can’t keep I’ve always had a hard time Holding much of what rises within myself And after twenty years of sparks so worth my time I’m still asking for help I’ve always had a hard time Defending myself And after all this time, if you won’t hear a bit of it I’m done begging for your help (for your help, for your help)
3.
Grey 03:53
Dazed and dreaming, stumbling through the cold Letting go of everything I’d been told Was harder than it sounded And it sounded pretty hard Grey clouds form and down the grey snow pours Tainted as my grey heart ‘cause nothing seems as pure As it used to And it’s harder to believe It’s hard to believe that love can live alone, uncompromised When the love that I believe has left your eyes And you walk away the way you always do And it makes me wonder if I make it that much easier to Scared am I of tearing at the seams Snow melts silently with all my dreams The life I want so badly A life that’s so surreal Reading into every little word Thinking what I wish for is absurd Makes me think I can’t achieve this Or anything at all I don’t know why I feel so lonely when I play this part The more I come close to you the more I pull apart I want to melt your ice-cold stare, your ice-cold heart But I don’t know where to start
4.
Last time we talked about it, we decided it was best You didn’t want me to be just another girl When we went back into our own separate worlds And in my own frustration, I look at what we’ve got left My frustration is drowned in your smile And I forget about that decision for a while These days I’m not afraid of being just another girl I’m not afraid of being someone you won’t see I’m afraid that I’ll relive all of the pain you put me through And I’m afraid that you’ll mean everything to me But I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl Yeah, I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl When I think about it, it all makes sense And I think that it’s all gonna work out fine When you hands are linked with mine And in the moment, it all seems so intense And I don’t wanna wake up the moment it’s gone I don’t wanna discover that I was wrong These days I’m not afraid of being left out on my own I’m not afraid of having nothing to believe I’m afraid that we’ll grow closer than we ever have before And that I’ll be bent and broken when you leave But I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl Yeah, I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl I’ve been told if you’re not sure that I’m worth more than just another girl That you’re not worth my time, but see, you are ‘Cause if I wanted to let go, I would have done it long ago, ‘cause baby you’re my hope and you’re my star I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl Yeah, I’m sure you know that I’m worth more than just another girl
5.
I’m making ties Through this thread, we are connected Bound in openness that reaches through my skin and made me realize That lately I’ve been breaking ties And tying chains around my heart To keep my mind from reaching All the fear that lies within And now you tell me I’ll be fine It might be tough Is my weary soul enough? I’m seeing eyes In a mirror I have crafted Not quite empty, but they’re dimming, something lacking as I realize That I can’t fix a broken man But another must fix me as I let go And loosen all the chains holding me back And now you tell me My own tears help heal my wounds Will my broken voice come through? I’ll trade you fear for comfort And weakness for compassion I’ll lay my hurting body down Trade me beauty for ashes
6.
Drown 02:46
I should hate you Why don’t I hate you? Tears of rage have stung my eyes you’d think I’d have some more despise for you But life goes on How can you go on? I’m sure you’re not thinking of me Wherever you and yours may be And on the day we parted ways “I’m sorry, so so so sorry” was all I heard you say But you and I both know the lies Would never have kept coming if regret was in your eyes ‘Cause there’s no remorse, and I’m still alive Without much force, and without much drive Most drown in love, but I’m still alive ‘Cause this pool was never deep enough to dive It’s over Is it over? Could you offer me a smile? I haven’t seen yours in a while But I’m not aching Is your heart aching? Were you floating in this sea Or were you deeper in than me? But ‘cause I’m not just what you thought And you were never honest, you became just what you fought And even though I miss you so Had I never seen your eyes again, I never would’ve known ‘Cause there’s no remorse, and I’m still alive Without much force, and without much drive Most drown in love, but I’m still alive ‘Cause this pool was never deep enough to dive I’m a much better actress than I’d given myself credit for I really thought that I was trapped, I’d gone and locked the door But it’s so easy to fall away This ledge seems not so high to me today So I keep digging deeper in until I feel you in my skin I will scream and I will cry, I will bleed and I will die I will laugh and I will live, I’ll give all I’ve got to give Until I finally hit the water in the ground And solemnly, without a sound I’ll drown my love and back away In awe of what I’ll never ever say That you’re not sorry, and it’s not okay But I won’t let myself drown in you today
7.
I’m at a loss, for words, for feelings Grasping time and space But can’t remember where And what I’m supposed to be Because we flew right past the twenty-ninth And I slept through New Year’s Eve Now where am I? And we are you? And where is “we”? Between these rocks and stars and seas, Between my savior and his blood, Where do we fall? Where does “we” fall? Where falls love? Is it scattered? Is it shattered? Is it here? I have wept so many times For those broken and falling Reaching, grasping, empty-handed When they won’t believe the love I feel But never cities, never nations Not the state of humankind But the burden of humanity is heavy and it’s real Between two cities feigning peace, Between the soldiers and their guns, How many walls? How many fall when all is done? When will it be done? What can be done? One wise father preaches friendship Like that’s gonna fix this mess But maybe friendship’s all we have We can’t afford anything less We’ll leave behind what we have seen It’s so easy for us to go But there are those who’ll never leave And there are those who’ll never know Between the newscasts and the stories, Seas below and planes above We’ll spread the good news that, somewhere, there is love There is love
8.
Monopoly 03:07
I watch your shiny car go by From my little orange cell And it feels like home, feels like home to me ‘Cause I’ve missed it here, though I miss you well Last time I was out of here This pity of a jail I passed by your estate and I took a chance But I couldn’t pay the bail So now I’m back to where I started from And I never passed “Go” ‘cause I couldn’t outrun The voices in my mind telling me to find another way So here I am today I never learned to play this game The way it’s supposed to be ‘Cause there’s just too much, too much strategy And this silly deal seems unreal to me ‘Cause now you’ve turned out all my lights And it’s much too dark to see The dog ran off with my “Get Out Free” card And you still have the key So now I’m back to where I started from And I never passed “Go” ‘cause I couldn’t outrun The monsters in my mind telling me you’d never come around ‘Cause all your lies would pull you down My old friends come to visit here And we gossip through the bars And they said they’d heard, heard around that you Had gone and switched my cards So please don’t think I didn’t know Don’t think I didn’t see They said you’d hurt me, said you’d hurt me Said you’d hurt me You have not won this monopoly No, you don’t have that kind of control of me ‘Cause you can’t keep jerking the cost Of the things you’ve gone and lost So now I’m back to where I started from And I never passed “Go” ‘cause I couldn’t outrun The fire in your eyes telling me to rise above your voice It seems I had no other choice
9.
There’s a man breathing down my neck ‘Cause I won’t tell him what he wants to hear ‘Cause I can’t pretend to know the answers to these questions Especially after two long years And he keeps tellin’ me he just wants to help you ‘cause you’re such a nice kid As if I don’t, as if I didn’t, as if I never did As if I should be ashamed As if I’m not hurting And I don’t know what to feel anymore ‘Cause all I’ve felt lately is tired and stressed and worn And torn into pieces Tears rolling, rolling for years of this For the feeling that years of my best efforts were dissolved All by one lousy phone call All by one stupid, lousy thing You promised me you wouldn’t do You promised me How many times have you promised me?
10.
I had this vision when I was a little girl Of my daddy walkin’ me down the aisle And givin’ me his grin Before he’d step aside from the bride for a while And you’d step out from the back of the room Lookin’ sharp with your suit and your tie And you’d pass out the cookies and chocolate milk And you’d laugh and you’d smile and you’d cry a little, well Who’s cryin’ now? The last time I saw you in this church Wasn’t supposed to be in this casket today You’re supposed to watch when he gives me away And you know what I mean, not from heaven I traded a white dress for black Didn’t make the choice and I can’t take it back And I hope God really needed you ‘Cause Lord knows I could use you right now Right now My faith bends, doesn’t break But it’s hard to pound back into shape When you’re taken away and I never did say Just how much I love you when I thought you were stayin’ Sure, you were withering away But who wants to admit they might lose something great? ‘Cause I know you would give me the world So please know I’ll always be your girl
11.
Green really isn't your color Your envy isn't justified Just wait until you've heard the lies and Seen how this weak tint grows duller As time goes on and passions fade There are choices hashed and options weighed And I guess I'm just not that beautiful Not as tall or as small as those girls on TV I wonder if it would be too much to ask If you'll sit and stay with me Oh, it's true I love you Dance with me, my friend It doesn't have to mean a thing I just need a place to swing Between all I resent And everything that makes me fly If only you could take me higher I wish your arms would stay Here on my waist for a time Why do you always go away? You want what's yours, not what's mine Oh, it's true I miss you Memory holds me to you Nostalgia clings me to your own The emptiness that I called home but You’ve been so much less than true And being last in this line hurts When all along, you’ve been my first But I guess I’m just not that beautiful Not as tall or as small as you wished I would be I wonder if it would be too much to ask If you'll go, just let me be Oh, it's true I won’t wait for you
12.
It Is 05:17
It’s like I’m choking, like I’m underwater Like I’m breathing without taking in air Like I can't escape this fear without crawling out of my skin And like I love someone who somehow isn't here Like everything is far too bright and nothing is its size I didn't know that you had built a dam, but now it’s opened wide And I am shrinking, and I can't weather this storm, I I can't even try And you won't try And you won't answer Is this over? This twirling, swirling, trembling, it used to be good When this was new and I had no reason to doubt you But now that stain from my tears will never leave my couch And I collapse every time someone asks about you I’ve never ended up on the floor before With my laugh too loud and my skirt too short But this is just how much I hate to be Without you And now I doubt you And you won't answer Is this over? I close my eyes and wish that I were seventeen When everything you'd ever done was beautiful to me When you were shy and I Wouldn't take no for an answer Now you won’t answer Is this over? When I close my eyes, you sing to me Maybe if I close them hard enough, you'll hear You'll remember that you meant it, you’ll remember that you loved me And that crazy boy who loved me will be here But I open my eyes and I still can't find him Some spark, some light, has suddenly been dimmed And you can't see it and I, I’m spent and I I can't even try And you won't try And you won't answer Is this over?

credits

released December 22, 2012

All songs written by Rachel Marie Schachter
All vocals, guitar, and piano by Rachel Marie Schachter
Album art by Edith Braggiotti-Painting

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Rachel Marie Cambridge, Massachusetts

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Rachel Marie follows in a tradition of unapologetically forthright women folksingers, with songs that hearken to "overstuffed lines of Tori Amos, philosophical turn of Indigo Girls, and lilting vocals like Joni Mitchell." The social awareness of folk meets the introspection of the singer-songwriter tradition with a moderate dose of snark. ... more

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