1. |
Soar
04:02
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I sit alone on a dusty floor
In a hazy light so calm and pure
I only wish I could be sure
That someday I will soar
‘Cause my soft, smooth skin is growing rough
And my easy right is getting tough
And it seems I’m never good enough
Anymore
But if I fly too high, will the sun burn my wings?
And if I reach the sky, will my lungs still sing?
It costs a lot for everything I ever wanted
It costs a lot for everything I ever wanted
The blinding lights on this empty stage
Fill the yellow tint of this empty page
And I think that it would show my age
To lay down here and cry
But I’m scared these seats will never fill
And this stage will stay alone and still
And all I’ll have is that I’m still alive
But if I cry too long, will I crash all too soon?
And if I sing this song, will it carry across this room?
It takes a lot to sing over all the noise
It takes a lot to sing over all the noise
And if I sing I will risk my heart
And if you hear these words I’ll risk being torn apart
And if I fly I will risk the fall
But if I don’t sing I’ll risk never being heard at all
I sit alone on a dusty floor
In a hazy light so calm and pure
I only wish I could be sure
That someday I will soar
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2. |
Guitar Song 2
03:47
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I’ve been listening so intently
That I forgot the question, forgot my place
Or was that the question? Where I stand?
Whose say I need, whose go, whose grace
I must not have it – no one hopes for what they know they have
What they can see
No one asks the questions that have already been answered
Except for me
I’ve always had a hard time
Taking anything I don’t feel that I’ve earned
And after nineteen years of asking answered questions
I haven’t learned
You’d think that, stubborn as I am
I’d realize the truth I have
And that it isn’t yours to judge or take, or validate
Or use to trace my path (sometimes I sing past it depends on how I feel I don’t know)
And yet I keep on searching others’ eyes and hearts
And I’ve been digging deep
And I rise with sparks that were never mine, but somehow satisfy
But I can’t keep
I’ve always had a hard time
Holding much of what rises within myself
And after twenty years of sparks so worth my time
I’m still asking for help
I’ve always had a hard time
Defending myself
And after all this time, if you won’t hear a bit of it
I’m done begging for your help
(for your help, for your help)
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3. |
Grey
03:53
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Dazed and dreaming, stumbling through the cold
Letting go of everything I’d been told
Was harder than it sounded
And it sounded pretty hard
Grey clouds form and down the grey snow pours
Tainted as my grey heart ‘cause nothing seems as pure
As it used to
And it’s harder to believe
It’s hard to believe that love can live alone, uncompromised
When the love that I believe has left your eyes
And you walk away the way you always do
And it makes me wonder if I make it that much easier to
Scared am I of tearing at the seams
Snow melts silently with all my dreams
The life I want so badly
A life that’s so surreal
Reading into every little word
Thinking what I wish for is absurd
Makes me think I can’t achieve this
Or anything at all
I don’t know why I feel so lonely when I play this part
The more I come close to you the more I pull apart
I want to melt your ice-cold stare, your ice-cold heart
But I don’t know where to start
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4. |
Just Another Girl
04:02
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Last time we talked about it, we decided it was best
You didn’t want me to be just another girl
When we went back into our own separate worlds
And in my own frustration, I look at what we’ve got left
My frustration is drowned in your smile
And I forget about that decision for a while
These days I’m not afraid of being just another girl
I’m not afraid of being someone you won’t see
I’m afraid that I’ll relive all of the pain you put me through
And I’m afraid that you’ll mean everything to me
But I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl
Yeah, I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl
When I think about it, it all makes sense
And I think that it’s all gonna work out fine
When you hands are linked with mine
And in the moment, it all seems so intense
And I don’t wanna wake up the moment it’s gone
I don’t wanna discover that I was wrong
These days I’m not afraid of being left out on my own
I’m not afraid of having nothing to believe
I’m afraid that we’ll grow closer than we ever have before
And that I’ll be bent and broken when you leave
But I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl
Yeah, I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl
I’ve been told if you’re not sure that I’m worth more than just another girl
That you’re not worth my time, but see, you are
‘Cause if I wanted to let go, I would have done it long ago, ‘cause baby
you’re my hope and you’re my star
I’m sure I’m worth more than just another girl
Yeah, I’m sure you know that I’m worth more than just another girl
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5. |
Beauty for Ashes
02:52
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I’m making ties
Through this thread, we are connected
Bound in openness that reaches
through my skin and made me realize
That lately I’ve been breaking ties
And tying chains around my heart
To keep my mind from reaching
All the fear that lies within
And now you tell me I’ll be fine
It might be tough
Is my weary soul enough?
I’m seeing eyes
In a mirror I have crafted
Not quite empty, but they’re dimming,
something lacking as I realize
That I can’t fix a broken man
But another must fix me as I let go
And loosen all the chains holding me back
And now you tell me
My own tears help heal my wounds
Will my broken voice come through?
I’ll trade you fear for comfort
And weakness for compassion
I’ll lay my hurting body down
Trade me beauty for ashes
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6. |
Drown
02:46
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I should hate you
Why don’t I hate you?
Tears of rage have stung my eyes
you’d think I’d have some more despise for you
But life goes on
How can you go on?
I’m sure you’re not thinking of me
Wherever you and yours may be
And on the day we parted ways
“I’m sorry, so so so sorry” was all I heard you say
But you and I both know the lies
Would never have kept coming if regret was in your eyes
‘Cause there’s no remorse, and I’m still alive
Without much force, and without much drive
Most drown in love, but I’m still alive
‘Cause this pool was never deep enough to dive
It’s over
Is it over?
Could you offer me a smile?
I haven’t seen yours in a while
But I’m not aching
Is your heart aching?
Were you floating in this sea
Or were you deeper in than me?
But ‘cause I’m not just what you thought
And you were never honest, you became just what you fought
And even though I miss you so
Had I never seen your eyes again, I never would’ve known
‘Cause there’s no remorse, and I’m still alive
Without much force, and without much drive
Most drown in love, but I’m still alive
‘Cause this pool was never deep enough to dive
I’m a much better actress than I’d given myself credit for
I really thought that I was trapped, I’d gone and locked the door
But it’s so easy to fall away
This ledge seems not so high to me today
So I keep digging deeper in until I feel you in my skin
I will scream and I will cry, I will bleed and I will die
I will laugh and I will live, I’ll give all I’ve got to give
Until I finally hit the water in the ground
And solemnly, without a sound
I’ll drown my love and back away
In awe of what I’ll never ever say
That you’re not sorry, and it’s not okay
But I won’t let myself drown in you today
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7. |
There is Love
03:31
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I’m at a loss, for words, for feelings
Grasping time and space
But can’t remember where
And what I’m supposed to be
Because we flew right past the twenty-ninth
And I slept through New Year’s Eve
Now where am I? And we are you?
And where is “we”?
Between these rocks and stars and seas,
Between my savior and his blood,
Where do we fall? Where does “we” fall?
Where falls love?
Is it scattered? Is it shattered?
Is it here?
I have wept so many times
For those broken and falling
Reaching, grasping, empty-handed
When they won’t believe the love I feel
But never cities, never nations
Not the state of humankind
But the burden of humanity is heavy and it’s real
Between two cities feigning peace,
Between the soldiers and their guns,
How many walls? How many fall when all is done?
When will it be done? What can be done?
One wise father preaches friendship
Like that’s gonna fix this mess
But maybe friendship’s all we have
We can’t afford anything less
We’ll leave behind what we have seen
It’s so easy for us to go
But there are those who’ll never leave
And there are those who’ll never know
Between the newscasts and the stories,
Seas below and planes above
We’ll spread the good news that, somewhere, there is love
There is love
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8. |
Monopoly
03:07
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I watch your shiny car go by
From my little orange cell
And it feels like home, feels like home to me
‘Cause I’ve missed it here, though I miss you well
Last time I was out of here
This pity of a jail
I passed by your estate and I took a chance
But I couldn’t pay the bail
So now I’m back to where I started from
And I never passed “Go” ‘cause I couldn’t outrun
The voices in my mind telling me to find another way
So here I am today
I never learned to play this game
The way it’s supposed to be
‘Cause there’s just too much, too much strategy
And this silly deal seems unreal to me
‘Cause now you’ve turned out all my lights
And it’s much too dark to see
The dog ran off with my “Get Out Free” card
And you still have the key
So now I’m back to where I started from
And I never passed “Go” ‘cause I couldn’t outrun
The monsters in my mind telling me you’d never come around
‘Cause all your lies would pull you down
My old friends come to visit here
And we gossip through the bars
And they said they’d heard, heard around that you
Had gone and switched my cards
So please don’t think I didn’t know
Don’t think I didn’t see
They said you’d hurt me, said you’d hurt me
Said you’d hurt me
You have not won this monopoly
No, you don’t have that kind of control of me
‘Cause you can’t keep jerking the cost
Of the things you’ve gone and lost
So now I’m back to where I started from
And I never passed “Go” ‘cause I couldn’t outrun
The fire in your eyes telling me to rise above your voice
It seems I had no other choice
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9. |
I Called to Say Goodbye
03:04
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There’s a man breathing down my neck
‘Cause I won’t tell him what he wants to hear
‘Cause I can’t pretend to know the answers to these questions
Especially after two long years
And he keeps tellin’ me he just wants to help you
‘cause you’re such a nice kid
As if I don’t, as if I didn’t, as if I never did
As if I should be ashamed
As if I’m not hurting
And I don’t know what to feel anymore
‘Cause all I’ve felt lately is tired and stressed and worn
And torn into pieces
Tears rolling, rolling for years of this
For the feeling that years of my best efforts were dissolved
All by one lousy phone call
All by one stupid, lousy thing
You promised me you wouldn’t do
You promised me
How many times have you promised me?
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10. |
The Bell Tolls
03:21
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I had this vision when I was a little girl
Of my daddy walkin’ me down the aisle
And givin’ me his grin
Before he’d step aside from the bride for a while
And you’d step out from the back of the room
Lookin’ sharp with your suit and your tie
And you’d pass out the cookies and chocolate milk
And you’d laugh and you’d smile and you’d
cry a little, well
Who’s cryin’ now?
The last time I saw you in this church
Wasn’t supposed to be in this casket today
You’re supposed to watch when he gives me away
And you know what I mean, not from heaven
I traded a white dress for black
Didn’t make the choice and I can’t take it back
And I hope God really needed you
‘Cause Lord knows I could use you right now
Right now
My faith bends, doesn’t break
But it’s hard to pound back into shape
When you’re taken away and I never did say
Just how much I love you
when I thought you were stayin’
Sure, you were withering away
But who wants to admit they might lose something great?
‘Cause I know you would give me the world
So please know
I’ll always be your girl
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11. |
The Self-Worth Song
05:08
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Green really isn't your color
Your envy isn't justified
Just wait until you've heard the lies and
Seen how this weak tint grows duller
As time goes on and passions fade
There are choices hashed and options weighed
And I guess I'm just not that beautiful
Not as tall or as small as those girls on TV
I wonder if it would be too much to ask
If you'll sit and stay with me
Oh, it's true
I love you
Dance with me, my friend
It doesn't have to mean a thing
I just need a place to swing
Between all I resent
And everything that makes me fly
If only you could take me higher
I wish your arms would stay
Here on my waist for a time
Why do you always go away?
You want what's yours, not what's mine
Oh, it's true
I miss you
Memory holds me to you
Nostalgia clings me to your own
The emptiness that I called home but
You’ve been so much less than true
And being last in this line hurts
When all along, you’ve been my first
But I guess I’m just not that beautiful
Not as tall or as small as you wished I would be
I wonder if it would be too much to ask
If you'll go, just let me be
Oh, it's true
I won’t wait for you
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12. |
It Is
05:17
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It’s like I’m choking, like I’m underwater
Like I’m breathing without taking in air
Like I can't escape this fear without crawling out of my skin
And like I love someone who somehow isn't here
Like everything is far too bright and nothing is its size
I didn't know that you had built a dam, but now it’s opened wide
And I am shrinking, and I can't weather this storm, I
I can't even try
And you won't try
And you won't answer
Is this over?
This twirling, swirling, trembling, it used to be good
When this was new and I had no reason to doubt you
But now that stain from my tears will never leave my couch
And I collapse every time someone asks about you
I’ve never ended up on the floor before
With my laugh too loud and my skirt too short
But this is just how much I hate to be
Without you
And now I doubt you
And you won't answer
Is this over?
I close my eyes and wish that I were seventeen
When everything you'd ever done was beautiful to me
When you were shy and I
Wouldn't take no for an answer
Now you won’t answer
Is this over?
When I close my eyes, you sing to me
Maybe if I close them hard enough, you'll hear
You'll remember that you meant it,
you’ll remember that you loved me
And that crazy boy who loved me will be here
But I open my eyes and I still can't find him
Some spark, some light, has suddenly been dimmed
And you can't see it and I, I’m spent and I
I can't even try
And you won't try
And you won't answer
Is this over?
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Rachel Marie Boston, Massachusetts
Short Bio
Rachel Marie follows in a tradition of unapologetically forthright women
folksingers, with songs that hearken to "overstuffed lines of Tori Amos, philosophical turn of Indigo Girls, and lilting vocals like Joni Mitchell." The social awareness of folk meets the introspection of the singer-songwriter tradition with a moderate dose of snark.
... more
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