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Not Okay

from False Foundations by Rachel Marie

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lyrics

Feet firmly planted in a false foundation, I am standing up straight for all to see
I will let you in; my walls are thin, and things look different on the inside of me
I am a home that I have built out of paper and pain
Limbs stretched to their limit, holding up walls against the rain
And most times I stay standing
I who do the standing

Because I thought I had to be a fortress, but you look at me and say
That my effort is blessed and you’ll invest in this mess
Blood and sweat and tears, and that’s okay
And I am not okay, and that’s okay

I spend all my time clinging to a life that I don’t know what it takes to maintain
This is not a place of rest, just stress, and all I know is to self-sustain
With wallpaper peeling, carpet stained, wood rotting through
I curl up in my center, but my center’s rotting, too
Burdened and weary
Dark and dreary

Because I thought I had to be my own rock; well, you look at me and say
That I can’t do this by myself, and you’ll be my somebody-else
That I will always need some help, and that’s okay

I am a fixer-upper of a human life
Not equipped with the required skill to heal it
I have prayed so hard for this light to warm instead of burn
And God, it’s such a joy to feel it
To build a home out of love, and not of paper
And I know not everybody needs a savior

But I thought I had to be a fortress; well, you look at me and say
That my effort is blessed, and you’ll invest in this mess
Blood and sweat and tears, and that’s okay
And I am not okay, no I am not okay I am not okay
And that’s okay

credits

from False Foundations, released May 5, 2018
Music and lyrics by Rachel Marie Schachter

Rachel Marie Schachter: vocals, guitar
Bill Schachter: acoustic bass guitar
Diane Perry: violin

Produced by and engineered by William James Hall, Dragonfly Alley

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Rachel Marie Boston, Massachusetts

Short Bio

Rachel Marie follows in a tradition of unapologetically forthright women folksingers, with songs that hearken to "overstuffed lines of Tori Amos, philosophical turn of Indigo Girls, and lilting vocals like Joni Mitchell." The social awareness of folk meets the introspection of the singer-songwriter tradition with a moderate dose of snark. ... more

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